My mom wrote a wonderful post on Marriage. If you missed it, you can still read it HERE. She certainly qualifies as an expert, in my opinion~ my parents just celebrated their 40th Anniversary on June 26th and are as happy together as ever. Today my dad gives his thoughts on the subject. Can you tell they’re wonderful teachers? They teach the adult Sunday School class together at their church in N. Little Rock, AR.
People get married for different reasons. Many times, people go into a marriage with the idea that they will fix the shortcomings, lacking parts, faults, in their spouse…
IT DOESN”T WORK THAT WAY.
Why did you get married in the first place?
I know why I did and why I still am…
I remember the first time I saw the girl who is now a woman and my wife. I was nine and it was at a youth rally, if you know what that is…she had on this really full skirt and her hair was in a ponytail. She was the prettiest girl I had ever seen and still is….
One of the things I often think about is that after being married to my wife for 40 years, there is no one I would rather spend time with, not during our whole time together. I never feel the need or desire to be away from her. That is not to say I haven’t been away. I fish and I go fishing sometimes~ I always ask her if she would like to go. We used to fish some together, although I don’t believe she was ever as fond of it as I am.
God Created Man, then Woman…
She was to be flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone. He created her from the side of Adam. Not from the head so she could dominate him and not from the feet so he could walk all over her. From his side, because she was to be a helper to him…
My wife has done more and given all to be a helper to me.
God said He would give Adam a help meet. Or, in other words, one to complete him. So God took from Adam and made him complete with a mate. Adam said, “This is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone.”
Gen 2:21-25 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
God and Adam were talking one day in the cool of the day and God was describing Woman to Adam. Someone who was beautiful, could prepare meals with him, help him around the Garden, help him with all the animals, and God’s list went on and on…
Finally Adam said to God, “Wow, someone like that would cost me an arm and a leg…what do you think I could get for a rib?”
With all the things my wife does for me and with me, if I were having to give up body parts in the bargain, there would be nothing left of me. She is really the BEST THING that ever happened to me. Of course, here I will have to interject that I believe we both put God first in our lives, but you understand what I am saying.
There are lists of things that make a good marriage and there is a difference in falling in love and being in love and staying in love…although for me, I don’t know how a person could fall out of love if they were truly in love. I knew from the first time I saw her that I wanted to spend all the time I could with her. We became friends and stayed friends and a lot of water ran under many bridges before I was able to convince her that I was in love with her.
Now about some of these lists, here are a few things:
One is to remember that you don’t always have to be right.
Always respect the other person’s feelings.
Take responsibility for your own mental wellbeing. Don’t blame the other party if you feel worthless.
Share your feelings: “I feel hurt when…” “I am afraid when…” “I think you are saying I’m worthless when you say…
Be ready to talk.
Be ready to listen.
Allow your spouse to be a different person from you, with different attitudes and solutions.
Be ready to sacrifice some of your own personal pleasures and desires for the good of the marriage.
Accept that there are differences between the sexes and try to understand them.
Respect each other.
Recognize that there will be stressful times, and rise to the challenge of managing those times. Understand your needs and your partner’s needs. Understand the marriage’s needs. Then negotiate compromises that take care of both of you and the marriage.
Accept the changes that come with children, including loss of sleep, loss of privacy, and loss of time for each other.
Despite children and work, save a time for each other,
Be flexible. You may have to change your opinions or your lifestyle in response to changing needs of your spouse, or to changes in the world around you.
Be physically affectionate. Hug and touch.
Be faithful. Not only as commonly thought of as in an affair, but in thought, attitude and actions.
Share fun, interests, and friends.
Have a lively sense of humor.
Nurture and support each other.
Care for each other and for the marriage.
Forget whether you’re right or wrong. The question is: Is what you’re doing working or not working?
You don’t fix things by fixing your partner.
Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.
Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.
And on that note, Kay can read me like a book. A look, the set of my mouth…she knows what I am thinking and believe it or not a lot of the time, she can read my mind.
Now as a side note, Children…remember THEY WILL LEAVE YOU. As much as you love them and care for them and that will never change, you are the parent and will always be even when they are gone. You will again be just two.
We like to talk about how the first miracle Jesus performed was at a marriage. That makes some believe that He thought highly of where he was and what he was doing. He made better wine than what they had been drinking. I find it really thought provoking that Jesus compares Himself as the bridegroom and the church as the bride. To me, hold on to that thought, it should inspire anyone who is married to want their marriage and relationship with each other to be the best it can possibly be…