The Joys of Wax

August 8, 2009

I can’t talk to you right now.

I’m stuck to the edge of the bathtub.

I made the mistake of sitting down after waxing my legs.

I do these crazy things.

The night before I went on my trip, I decided to try this new professional wax that the girl who does my hair, Nicole, bought for me. Thanks, Nicole!

I was thrilled. It’s what the salon uses? Oh yes, I am totally in. Forget the fact that I’ve gone to a salon and had them wax me before, all to disastrous results.

I have sensitive skin, for starters. I also bruise easily. If you’ve never waxed, let me tell you, this combination does not make waxing too promising. I gave up going to have it done professionally because I’d have welts for weeks.

I can do this myself, I think. How hard can it be?

I got through one leg, painstakingly doing a 2½ x 2½ patch at a time. The wax would cool and I’d run downstairs real quick to heat it up some more.

Thank GOD the UPS man didn’t pick then to come to the door!

It was higher up on my leg that I ran into trouble. I yanked off the strip and it took off some skin, but not the hair. So I yanked again. Big mistake.

I started shaking. It hurt. (Can I just tell you? Waxing feels exactly as you’d imagine it does~ like you’re ripping out every single hair, root by root by root by root.) But I had one more leg to do. I just about quit with only one leg done.

But I persevered, because that’s what women do. I can handle this!

Next leg, the same thing happened. I think I must have had a little too much wax on there, because I pulled the strip and a layer of wax was still there. So I pulled again. And again. And one more time.

It now looks like I have hickeys all over my legs.

And welts.

Hickeys and welts. That’s me.

In all my traipsing to the kitchen and trying to hurry, wax is flinging (in little bits) everywhere. It’s on the bottom of my feet, it’s on my shoulder, under my nails…oops, it’s in my hair.

I called for reinforcement. Nate came in on the scene, shook his head and said, “This is what women think to do before a trip.”

I take a shower with baby oil and try to scrape off the wax. Even the water just wants to stick to it. When I get out, not only did I not get all the hair off, but oh, that hair that fell out of my head would like to stick onto my legs too!

Everyone’s welcome.

In dismay, I sit down on the tub.

Oh dear.

I try to stand back up, but a little bit of skin stays on the tub. I think I’ll just stay here a while.

I paint my toes. I tweeze my eyebrows. I try new methods of wax removal.

I think I’ll be here a while.

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15 Responses to “The Joys of Wax”

  1. Loren says:

    Lori,

    I am not even sure how to write this response, I can't see through the tears. Yes. I am laughing. but….I am also crying and sympathizing with you because I worked at a salon and do this and have also done this to myself, it hurts bad!!!!! but. oh. my. gaw. the way you have described this is absolutely the best! I wish I could be there to help you…..do you have any goo-gone? For you ~ for the tub. It will help remove it. It might irritate your skin a bit just so you know ok 🙂 Man, I feel for you my friend!!! keep us posted

  2. Tosha says:

    I don't know what happened, but I wasn't done:) I could have never done it by myself. YOU ARE SOOOO BRAVE!!! Especially, deciding to do the second leg. I think the ONLY thing that may work for you is Laser Hair Removal….. please no more wax for you:) I give you lots of kudos on how you keep trying over and over. Love you. Hope you can enjoy your trip:)

  3. I tried not to laugh at your pain, but I did… I'm sorry. Women are such strange creatures and only we can relate to these kinds of stories.

  4. Girly Muse says:

    Ashleigh Still

    one time. that's all it took for me to realize 'there has GOT to be a better way.' the pain, the mess… not for me 🙂 praying for you and your welts!!!!! xo

  5. Girly Muse says:

    Britney Paradowski

    Try goo gone. I take it in the shower with me after I get waxed.

  6. Staci says:

    This is one of those life-saving moments. I've been curious to try wax, have never done it (too chicken) and now, thanks to your painful experience and description of it, never will!

    Thank you, Girly Muse, for enduring this so that I don't have to.

    Next, could you try one of those fruit-based facial peel thingys? I've been wondering about those, too. Details, I'll want details.

  7. Heart2Heart says:

    I can't bring myself to even attempt to have this professionally done or even try and wing a do it yourself thing for me. Nope, just never going to see wax on me, unless I drip candle wax accidently while moving a candle or putting those funny wax lips on when I was a kid.

    Nope just not going there. I flinch when I have to take a band aid off, slowly, it doesn't work, so I try grip it and rip it and never again.

    Oh how I feel for you, I am hoping that you can get unstuck soon.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  8. Jilliebeanie says:

    My eyes are watering just reading about your experience. Major ouchie.

    Good luck to you, my friend.

  9. Oh, Lori!!

    Promise me you only tried your legs. Yowza!

    I got the big hickey welt thing once, too. Maybe the worst pain in my life. And I've had kids both ways.

  10. Girly Muse says:

    Estelle Senopole

    My mother always said, Beauty must suffer. I figure I didn't suffer enough. Hope you are better soon.

  11. Girly Muse says:

    Zandra Case

    LOL. I know it's not funny, but I can only imagine. I bet you won't do that twice.

  12. Girly Muse says:

    Thanks, girlies, for feeling my pain and sypmpathizing. 🙂 Hopefully I have learned my lesson.

  13. Girly Muse says:

    Lisa Sutterfield

    I almost laughed til I cried reading this. I'm not laughing @ you cause I know personally how badly it hurts! The things we do! Hope you heal quickly!

  14. Been there- stuck that. Yikes. that makes my eyes water and my lips yell for you. You are beautiful- did you know that? I can attest to it as I saw you last night. Yahooo! Love you girl!

  15. Krystal says:

    Oh goodness! thus why waxing is not a form of hair removal I choose to use. I would much rather shave(at the risk of getting a nik) and pluck(though it hurts) it is nothing compared to the pain of wax. lol. now, I've only ever had my eyebrows waxed(fast and efficient) BUT I can only imagine the pain of a whole leg.. oh uhmmm.. other areas. and I am good on that one. lol. I love reading your blogs, I've been a little behind with moving and all, so I have alot to catch up on. but they always bring a little bit of happiness to my days.. cause you make me smile! I love you!

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