I can’t talk to you right now.
I’m stuck to the edge of the bathtub.
I made the mistake of sitting down after waxing my legs.
I do these crazy things.
The night before I went on my trip, I decided to try this new professional wax that the girl who does my hair, Nicole, bought for me. Thanks, Nicole!
I was thrilled. It’s what the salon uses? Oh yes, I am totally in. Forget the fact that I’ve gone to a salon and had them wax me before, all to disastrous results.
I have sensitive skin, for starters. I also bruise easily. If you’ve never waxed, let me tell you, this combination does not make waxing too promising. I gave up going to have it done professionally because I’d have welts for weeks.
I can do this myself, I think. How hard can it be?
I got through one leg, painstakingly doing a 2½ x 2½ patch at a time. The wax would cool and I’d run downstairs real quick to heat it up some more.
Thank GOD the UPS man didn’t pick then to come to the door!
It was higher up on my leg that I ran into trouble. I yanked off the strip and it took off some skin, but not the hair. So I yanked again. Big mistake.
I started shaking. It hurt. (Can I just tell you? Waxing feels exactly as you’d imagine it does~ like you’re ripping out every single hair, root by root by root by root.) But I had one more leg to do. I just about quit with only one leg done.
But I persevered, because that’s what women do. I can handle this!
Next leg, the same thing happened. I think I must have had a little too much wax on there, because I pulled the strip and a layer of wax was still there. So I pulled again. And again. And one more time.
It now looks like I have hickeys all over my legs.
Hickeys and welts. That’s me.
In all my traipsing to the kitchen and trying to hurry, wax is flinging (in little bits) everywhere. It’s on the bottom of my feet, it’s on my shoulder, under my nails…oops, it’s in my hair.
I called for reinforcement. Nate came in on the scene, shook his head and said, “This is what women think to do before a trip.”
I take a shower with baby oil and try to scrape off the wax. Even the water just wants to stick to it. When I get out, not only did I not get all the hair off, but oh, that hair that fell out of my head would like to stick onto my legs too!
In dismay, I sit down on the tub.
I try to stand back up, but a little bit of skin stays on the tub. I think I’ll just stay here a while.
I paint my toes. I tweeze my eyebrows. I try new methods of wax removal.
I think I’ll be here a while.